"I shouldn't feel like that."
"I should feel better by now."
"I need to be strong for them."
Often, we tell ourselves what we "should" or "shouldn't" do. Or, what we "should" or "shouldn't" feel. This, while often done with good intentions or for what feels like the "right" reasons, can be detrimental to our healing journey.
It's okay to cry. It's okay to feel angry.
It's okay to ask for help or lean on friends for support.
It's okay to need time to process your feelings how you need to process them.
This looks different for everyone. Maybe you need to process alone in a quiet room. Maybe you need to talk through your feelings with a friend, family member, or professional. Maybe you'd benefit from finding a support group.
Try what feels like it might work and reevaluate. Maybe you try journaling in a quiet room and you can't focus. Try the next time in a coffee shop or a park. Perhaps you've tried a support group a few times and you don't click with the group. Try a new one. Maybe you don't think you're allowed to cry in front of your kids and try to be "strong" for them by hiding your emotions. This is not necessary, it's important for your kids to realize you're a human with feelings and needs too, just like them! Modeling an appropriate, healthy way to grieve and cope can be a great way to be strong for your kids, even if it includes some crying.
However you feel, remember that giving yourself permission in grief is an important step to start early in your grief journey. You are not alone, your grief is not forgotten, and you're not grieving wrong if you're trying.
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