The Power of Words
- Forget Me Not Notes
- 3 days ago
- 2 min read
The Power of Words in Grief
"Wow, she died?! was it because of her drinking problem?"
"I'm so sorry, I had no idea. I'm sure this was a big shock, but we're here for you every step of the way."
If you have experienced a loss, chances are you know that some version of both of these responses may come after sharing the news of a death. It's likely that most would prefer to be met with the latter, rather than being riddled with nosey questions, harsh judgment, or blunt honesty.
Grief is one of the most universal and isolating experiences a person can go through, which you may already know from experience, or will someday be faced to learn. To turn the tables, and think of how we meet others in their grief, we should aim to meet them with love and care. When someone we care about is grieving, we often want to offer comfort but struggle to find the right words.
The truth is, there’s no perfect thing to say—but there are words that can help.
Instead of trying to fix the pain, focus on presence. Simple phrases said in person, on the phone, or mailed in a "thinking of you card" like:
“I’m so sorry for your loss, I know how what a close bond you formed with them over the years.”
“I’m here for you.”
"I know you're probably overwhelmed with emotions and tasks, I'll drop off dinner and groceries for you on Monday night so you don't have to cook."
“This must be really hard.”
“You don’t have to go through this alone, we are here to listen, day or night.”
These words acknowledge the pain without minimizing it. Sometimes, silence speaks volumes, too—just sitting with someone in their sorrow can mean more than any speech. Offering a listening ear, a strong shoulder to lean on, or a hand to hold in the hardest hours can mean more than any rambling of misplaced words in the face of shocking or painful news.
Avoid clichés like “everything happens for a reason” or “they’re in a better place.” These might be well-intentioned, but they can feel dismissive to someone in deep pain. They can also leave them wondering what you meant, underestimating your care, or doubting your sincerity or understanding. The power of words in grief may seem small with comments made in passing, but both comforting and hurtful words can leave a lasting imprint in someone's memory of who showed up for them in their grief.
Grief has no timeline, and everyone moves through it differently. Offering consistent, gentle support—weeks and even months after a loss—can be more meaningful than a flurry of sympathy that fades quickly.
In the end, it’s not about saying the right thing, but remembering the power of words. It’s about showing up, being real, and reminding the grieving person that they are not alone. If you're experiencing the grief first hand, remember, your grief is not forgotten here.
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