Please Respect Our Space as We Begin to Grieve

Those were the words I read on social media when I found out my immediate family member had passed away. Within seconds, a whirlwind of grief flooded my body. The first few moments were filled with shock. I knew he was sick, but I thought he was getting better. While I understood that death was a very real possibility, I held onto the hope that he would recover. Those words on the post took the wind straight out of my sails, crumbling every ounce of reality I knew. Everything changed.

Experiencing Grief

I was working when I read the news. My mind spiraled with questions. What comes next? Where do I go? How should I be? I arrived at the hospital in the middle of the night. It was time for final goodbyes and heavy conversations at cold, generic hospital conference room tables. Processing my emotions was not an option; I had to keep pushing through. I thought to myself, “I've been up for over 28 hours. All I want is sleep.” But this was my time to show up for family. I had to say my final goodbyes and hold myself together until it was time to fall apart.

Arriving home after 5 AM, I crawled into bed, utterly exhausted. The quiet, dark room spun around me as thoughts jolted sleep away. Drifting closer to sleep felt like a taunting game. Those social media posts flashed through my mind every time I nearly fell asleep. At a time when I was most ready for rest, my body and brain would not cooperate.

The Struggle of Normalcy

I pulled myself together and commuted an hour to work for a staff meeting. I forced myself into as much of my normal routine as possible. I couldn't remember the last time I had eaten or taken a sip of water. All those things felt meaningless. Nothing seemed to matter. All I could think about was my best friend and my favorite person, who would never walk this earth with me again. Everything changed.

As I drove my hour-long commute home, the radio filled the air. Still, nothing registered in my mind. Overwhelming grief, loss, emptiness, and numbness flooded my thoughts, leaving no room for anything else.

The seconds ticked by, and the fog of grief settled into my new reality. I choked down a few bites of dinner. Each bite felt harder to swallow as I sat in my newfound shock. Everything changed.

The Weight of Grief

The only solace I found was in the reality that these are surely the worst days of my life. The heavy, crushing weight in my chest felt unbearable. The dry lump in my throat and my stinging eyes, with no tears left to cry, reminded me of this unbearable truth. I believed these days would eventually pass. Day by day, I would be closer to healing and closer to seeing my favorite person again. Minute by minute, I was getting closer to bedtime. It was the only time I felt safe from my thoughts and this grief journey.

As I dragged myself to bed that night, I was enveloped by overwhelming thoughts. Grief filled the room like a thick fog, refusing to lift. So, I sat in it. I had no other choice. If you are experiencing your first introduction to grief, sit tight. There will be better days ahead, with silver linings piercing through these dark clouds. One day, you will see the light of hope. As you encounter this journey, remember that your loved one, and your grief, are not forgotten.

Finding Hope in Grief

Grief is a complex journey. It is often filled with ups and downs. In the worst moments, it can feel like you are drowning. But, within the depths of despair, there is always a flicker of hope. It's important to honor your grief while also looking for moments of peace. Writing about your feelings can be a therapeutic way to navigate this painful experience. Reaching out to loved ones for support is also crucial. Talking about your feelings can lighten the burden you carry.

In time, you may find yourself remembering the good times you shared with your loved one. These memories can serve as a source of comfort and strength. The journey of grief is unique for everyone, but healing is possible. You will learn to carry the memories of your loved one with you.

As you walk this path, take a moment to breathe. In the chaos of grief, carving out time for self-care is vital. Pay attention to your needs, whether that means spending time in nature, journaling, or simply reflecting in silence. Allow yourself to feel, to remember, and to heal.

---

Learn More About My Story