What About Your Needs?

The dishes need to be put away. The mound of dirty clothes is spilling over the edge of the basket, needing to be washed. The garbage and recycling needs to be taken out. The floor needs vacuumed. The groceries need to be picked up. The dinner needs to be made, but cooking for less feels suffocating. The sheets need to be changed. The bills need to be paid. The appointments need to be scheduled. A whirlwind of household or lifestyle needs continue to pile up, but have you considered your needs - mentally, emotionally, spiritually, even physically? Have you ever stopped to ask yourself... "What about your needs?" The depths of grief can lead us down very heavy paths, and we can often lose sight of our own wellbeing as we get caught in the waves of grief and emotion.

Our needs in grief can look different from person to person, or day to day. Maybe what you need today will be very different than what you need tomorrow, or even in a few hours. Maybe you need a minute to be silent as you quiet the noises of busy life rushing by you. Maybe you need a nutritious meal. A warm bath or shower. A cold glass of water and a short walk down the block. A nap. Pausing to play with your kids or grandkids. An intentional deep breath or meditation.

The weight of grief mixed with the weight of every day responsibilities can feel like it's crushing, trapping you in this new life you don't want to be living. Perhaps it feels like you're drowning in to do lists and unmet needs, like if you don't do that one crucial task, everyone around you will crumble with you. Maybe you're placing pressure on yourself to show up for everyone the way you did before you took on a role in grieving. Maybe you feel like you're on the edge of a meltdown - one wrong look or comment might set you over the edge. These can be signs that it's time to pause during your grief.

Pause. Take a breath. Take a step back, and sit. Sit quietly, even if just for a few moments. Account for which tasks can go another moment, hour, or day without being done. Some things really can wait!

Maybe the dishes can go in the dishwasher or wait for a night. The clothes in the drier can be fluffed and folded later. Perhaps the elaborate home cooked meal turns into a box of mac and cheese for dinner instead, or the groceries get delivered this week instead of going to the store yourself. Though these are all things you'd like to get done, sometimes prioritizing your own rest and moments to recharge outweigh the importance of a folded load of laundry.

These breaks can be small - even just a few minutes. The important thing is to truly take a step back from your to do list or whatever set of expectations are overwhelming at the moment, and take time for yourself to recenter. Finding a space that you feel comfortable in can make this easier. Going for a walk around the block, sipping coffee on a cozy chair on the patio, or getting a journal or coloring book to spend a few minutes in can all be ways to break free from the dread of a to do list or the pressure of grief.

Breathe. The laundry can wait. Take the nap. Take the shower. Walk the dog or play with the kids, if that brings you comfort. Pausing during grief can be a crucial step to focusing on what matters. The to do lists will always be there, waiting until you're ready. Take the break, make the memories, and regroup when you're ready. These moments will often not ruin your timeline for your to do list, but can put you in a better headspace to be successful in crossing things off the list. Managing your grief and finding enjoyable moments to fill your heart up can often out weigh the importance of freshly dusted bookshelves.

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