"Time flies over us, but leaves its shadow behind." ~Nathanial Hawthorne
The start of the new year for some might be nothing exciting or scary, but for others it can be daunting. Specifically in the eyes of grief, the idea of time moving forward can be a lonely feeling, especially when time is going by without your person by your side.
The thought that time moves forward, whether we want it to or not, can be unsettling. I think about my own journey through grief and think about what my loved one would be doing if he were still here, how life would look so different. Time keeps moving forward, without him here, and I can't stop time to go back when he was alive. It stings, but it's real life.
My job now, in my own grief journey, is to find a way to look back fondly on the shadow that time has left behind. The shadow of time might look different for you compared to me, but that's what makes it beautiful. Time leaves a shadow of memories different for each person.
The shadow of time for me in my path through grief is filled with pictures, knick knacks, old voicemails to replay. I am left behind in grief, but I am also left with happy little reminders that my person walked on this earth with me. And how lucky I am to be able to hold those memories close. I can drive past his high school and remember the band concerts that I watched him play in. I drive past his favorite store and am reminded of the hours upon hours we use to spend looking for tools for his hobbies. I go to his favorite restaurant and remember his order.
So much time has passed, and yet, at the same time, so little time has passed. If we truly take quiet, intentional time, we can focus our attention to those positive memories. It might take some trying, but with the right mindset, the passing of time can be a beautiful reminder of the times we did have together. Creating new, positive memories in those same spaces while still honoring those old memories can reshape how we honor our loved one.
While time does fly past us, we are blessed with a shadow of the good times in our memories. Hold space for yourself as you continue on this journey, taking it moment by moment.
It can be easy to get distracted or caught up in what we have lost, rather than how lucky we were to have them. If needed as you recognize the shadow of time in your journey, jot down some memories. Make a list of the places you loved to go to together, the food you enjoyed together, the movies you laughed and cried at together. However you connect with your loved one, your grief is not forgotten here.
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