The Grief in Watching Others Grieve

As I sat with my own grief, I saw the grief of others. The empty, numb gazes on the faces of parents losing a child, the helplessness of grandparents wishing to take the pain away from their family, the siblings longing for their best friend back, the child waiting for their parent to say "I'm proud of you" once more. The grief of others was heavy as I held my own in my heart.

While I took time to focus on my own grief, the self inflicted burden and weight I put on myself to “be strong for others” was unmatched. Holding back tears in hopes of others not worrying about me, pasting a smile on my face, and biting my tongue in tense situations were my go to options.

As a surviving family member, it’s hard to focus solely on your own grief while watching the ones you love grieve too. Noticing loved ones lose their appetite, seeing family members struggle to get out of bed, hearing outbursts of anger on normally calm people, and the quiet, tear filled nights can leave you feeling hopeless and lonely, even in a room or house full of loved ones or roommates.

In these moments, it can be difficult to find a balance between self care to handle your own grief, and empathetically taking on the grief of your loved ones. Finding ways to support each other can be key to finding the right mix of both. This may be going on weekly walks with your family, signing up for therapy, scheduling time on the calendar to focus on self care, or planning a phone or video call to connect with loved ones far away.

Remember as you navigate this and aim to find balance, check in with yourself. If you’re noticing your feeling more out of control, exhausted, or frustrated, tweak your plan. Starting small and readjusting as necessary is imperative to creating peace.

Watching others grieve can impact your own wellbeing. Take notice of any triggers you have from interacting with others. If you are often strong for others or find yourself trying to "fix" things, you might experience an emotional burnout at a stronger or faster rate. While there can be healing in grieving together, there can also be a fine line before you need to take time for yourself to recharge. Learn different ideas for recharging here.

Wherever you are, hold space for yourself, practice self care, and seek professional help as needed. These moments can bring a lot of emotion that can require continual care and work to process and be able to move forward. Give yourself and your loved ones grace as you all navigate this journey both individually and together. Your grief and unique healing journey is not forgotten here.

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