The Empty Bed

The Empty Bed After a Partner Dies: Finding Comfort in the Silence

When a spouse passes away, one of the hardest new realities to face can be the empty bed. As the space that was once filled with love, conversations, shared moments/hopes/dreams, the silence can be deafening. Every night, the absence becomes more real. At first, it can feel as simple as a night away for a business trip, but as the days continue, the reality continues to set in. As their absence becomes more real, the bed that once brought so much comfort and solace can seem like a huge symbol of loss.

While there is no quick or easy fix for this kind of grief, it's important to give yourself time to adjust and ease into the new reality. You may come up with new solutions to your sleeping arrangement, and that's completely okay. You may start sleeping in another room, having a friend or family member stay the night so the house isn't empty, or changing the rules about pets on the furniture so you have someone to fill the empty space next to you in the bed.

It's okay to feel unsettled as you miss the presence of your partner. For some, this might be the first time you've lived alone, or the first time in decades to live without your partner. Gradually, small changes can help make the space feel like your home again. Starting with a peaceful routine at night can bring a sense of comfort to look forward to, instead of dreading the empty bed that greets you each night. Adding things to your routine, like a hot bath or shower, time spent reading a relaxing book, watching an episode of your comfort show, sending a text to a friend, or having a favorite snack or treat can be a small step towards comfort at the end of the day.

Creating a safe space and routine for the end of the day can ease you into the reality of sleeping alone, even in the empty bed. In time, you may find that the empty bed feels as heavy. It may always feel a bit incomplete, but adding some of these things can lighten the pain, even a little. Adding white noise, a dog at the foot of the bed (if you're ready to care for the needs of a pet, or already have one in the home), a new soft blanket or pajamas, and small comforts can make a bit of a difference in the journey.

The silence may eventually transform your sorrow into a place for reflection, memories, and even comfort as you start to rebuild your life. Grief takes its own path, and there is no right or wrong way to cope with the empty bed or any of the things that come with the journey. It's okay to feel the emptiness and take the time you need for find peace, solace, and comfort. As you proceed and process, your grief is not forgotten here.

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