Telling the News

Similarly to hearing the news of a loved one's death or accident, there is an incredible amount of pressure and emotion being the one who has to share the news. This is an event no one wishes to be a part of, and often comes with many layers of details and logistics to weave in. Telling the news of a loved one's passing can be one of the most delicate and difficult experiences you can have, and should be handled with care for both the person sharing the news, as well as for the person receiving the news.

Preparing for Telling the News

Telling the news is almost always a time sensitive matter, but also benefits from a bit of preparation. Gathering as many facts as you can so you can relay the full message can allow for a smoother delivery. If there are a lot of unknowns, it may bring more anxiety and questions, making it more difficult for them to comprehend and process the message you're sharing. Mentally preparing yourself can put you a bit more at ease as you deliver the message, and can allow you to communicate a bit more clearly.

Gentle and Direct

Using direct, clear wording and verbiage can help to share the message with little misinterpretation. Avoiding terms like "gone to heaven," "was in a tragic accident," "gone to a better place," "I lost them," etc., as they could be interpreted differently, could be misleading, or delays the realization or processing of the reality of the death. Using clear, direct wording such as "I'm so sorry but (name of person or relationship) has died." You can include helpful details if they ask, but may want to avoid anything too graphic or alarming until they've processed a bit.

Give Time for Reactions

Giving time for reactions can look different person to person. Some people may want privacy to process their feelings and this big news that was shared with them, while others may need support or time for questions after they learn the news. Respecting their needs and allowing them the autonomy to decide is important to allow them to feel as comfortable as possible in this new reality.

Offering Support While Telling the News

This could be something simple like offering a tissue or a hug, getting them some water, or taking some deep breaths together. This could also be more involved, such as helping them with immediate or time sensitive tasks or offering to bring them meals during their grieving process.

Space for Questions and Conversation

The person who just received this tragic news will likely have questions, as they mentally process what this loss means. They might ask for more details like hos or when the death happened, what will happen next, or more about this news.

Aftercare for Yourself

If/after you've already shared the news, take extra steps for self care. Sharing the news of someone's death can be an incredibly emotional and exhausting moment. This may bring up feelings of loss or past grief that you've experienced, or heighten the concept of mortality as you reflect. Checking in with your own feelings, reach out for support to your circle or professionally if needed, as you might be surprised how much this impacts you.

If It Doesn't/Didn't Go Well

If you were tasked with sharing the news and it didn't go well, or you didn't share it as gently or appropriately as you would have liked, give yourself grace. You can only do as well as you're set up for. Often, there are scenarios, situations, and logistics that play into this. In an ideal world, you'd tell the person face to face, gently, and privately. Due to the time sensitive nature of this news, you may not be able to do this. You might be racing to tell them before they see it on social media, trying to wait until they're done with a shift at work, battling with hospital/facility rules and regulations, or waiting for more details to be able to share the full information at once. All of these logistics play a huge role in how the news is shared, and you've done the best you can. Moving forward, and giving yourself grace, is important for your wellbeing. Make apologies or take ownership as necessary, but don't punish yourself for the circumstances you were up against.

If it doesn't go well, move forward as best as you can. You may apologize and explain, support them in different ways going forward, or give them the space they need to process. You did the best that you could given the circumstances, and that is all you can do.

As you and those who are impacted work together to navigate this loss, know that your grief will not be forgotten. We're holding space for you and encouraging you every step of the way.

More about Forget Me Not Notes