Grief is a such a personal experience, and it doesn’t always follow the neat and tidy, linear timeline that social media portrays, or that people often expect. We are frequently told that "time will heal all wounds," but for many, the journey through grief is not about “moving on” but about staying in it—allowing the sorrow, the pain, and the memories to exist with us, in us, and as a part of us as we heal.
When I was in my beginning of my grief journey, I was working in direct care. Without wanting to share my life story with children and people in the community I worked in, I had to find the right time to stay in my grief. I learned to turn it on and off like a switch. When I was at work, my grief was turned off. I put on a smile, faced each challenge with the same optimism that I would have before experiencing loss, and proceeded with caution. This sometimes meant trips to the bathroom just to breathe, to cry, to feel my feelings in private when I experienced something that triggered me.
It also meant having car rides home with big feelings, sad music, and a tissue box in the passenger seat. The important thing for me in this moment was that I still allowed myself to feel. Just because I felt I had to turn it off for my shift, didn't mean I was turning it off for good. Embracing my journey of healing meant I did the hard work outside of work, to allow myself to be okay for the work hours. Maybe this doesn't apply to you for work, but to your relationship as a parent, a caretaker, or a friend. I still had down days, but relied heavily on my support system to crack a joke to pull me out of the deep dark sadness, or having a shoulder to lean on when I needed a little extra support.
Staying in grief doesn’t mean wallowing in your sadness or resisting any healing. Instead, it’s about giving yourself permission to fully experience the emotions that come with loss, without rushing through or pushing them aside. Grief isn’t something that can be "fixed" or "finished," it’s a part of us that changes over time, becoming something we learn to carry with us as we grow.
There’s beauty in staying in grief because it allows us to honor the depth of the relationship and connection we had with our loved ones. By embracing this grief, we acknowledge how intensely and wholly they shaped our lives. The grief we feel is a testament to the love that once was and continues to be, even after loss.
It's important to remember that staying in grief doesn’t mean you are stuck. It’s an active, conscious choice to be present with your emotions, to allow the waves of sorrow to come and go, and to trust that healing is not a race with a finish line. Some days will be better than others, and that’s okay. Give yourself grace as you wonder through it, and hold space for these feelings as they come.

If you find yourself in the midst of grief, give yourself space to sit with it. Allow it to be a part of your journey, not something to be ashamed of or hidden, or made smaller to make someone else feel comfortable. By staying in grief, we ultimately learn how to move forward—one small step at a time—with love, understanding, and a deeper sense of peace and calm.
Grief is not a destination; it’s a process. And sometimes, the best thing we can do is simply stay. Wherever you are in your journey, your grief is not forgotten.
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