Going through each day managing your grief and emotions can be exhausting. As much as you prepare yourself for triggers, coach yourself on interaction with certain people, and spend time guarding your heart, things can feel jumbled as you go.
When I think about my journey through grief, I think about the way I tried to prepare myself. I started by identifying where I felt comfortable, and worked to fit those places into a routine. I knew I felt safe and comfortable at work, where my coworkers treated each other like family and always had each others' backs. For me, it provided a welcomed distraction. I knew I could count on being busy each day, and having supportive people around me while I was there. This was important for me, as I wanted a place where I could spend a lot of my time, not stewing alone on my grief.
I feel very fortunate to have work being a safe escape for me. Maybe this isn't the same for you. Finding another place - weekly chats over coffee with a friend, spending time in the gym, or diving deep into jigsaw puzzles can be great, healthy distractions to work into your schedule for your healthy escape.
Finding a place to turn to that feels "normal" can be a great way to feel a sense of control back in your life. Often grief throws us into a whirlwind of changes, uncertainties, and worry. Having that one safe space, or an easy distraction can be a great way to feel in control of a pat of your life, while the rest feels out of control. Unfortunately in grief, there is a not always a comfortable option or space. Having comforts in these moments can allow you to feel a bit more in control, and feeling more successful as you go.
I remember being invited places to get me out of the house or to have memorial events for my loved one that I lost. While I was always thankful that people were remembering my loved one and holding space for me while I grieved, I was always very careful with which invitations I accepted. I didn't always feel comfortable being vulnerable with the people that were going to be at big events. In these instances, I knew I had important choices to make to protect myself and feel as comfortable as I could. Seeking out small comforts in uncomfortable moments can be a game changer as you have different encounters.
Often, I would accept the invitation and implement a few preparatory rules for myself to feel okay going into it. The first thing I did was always asking who was going to be in attendance. If I knew who I was going to see, I could anticipate which conversations I might have (or try to avoid) and how to prepare myself mentally for the topics. Another thing I did was bringing a supportive person when possible. Having someone by your side can be a great way to have an easy escape if necessary, and having someone with you if you need something. Choosing someone who knows your cues can be a great help for feeling successful in a social setting when you aren't comfortable.

I always made sure to go with a drink in my hand. Whether it was a bottle of water, a cup of coffee, or tea, I always had a drink in my hand when attending an event. There were a few benefits by doing this, first being that I would have an excuse to not be wrapped into a huge hug I didn't want to participate in. While most people mean well with offering a hug, sometimes I just didn't want one, and saying no should be respected. Another benefit to keeping a drink in my hand would allow me to feel more comfortable physically. I didn't have to worry about what I should do with my hands or fidgeting too much at a formal or quiet event. An added bonus was the hydration. Listening to my body's cues for hunger and thirst sometimes fell to the wayside in the darkest days of grief, so having a beverage in my hand was a great reminder to continue to hydrate.
While these things might not be a magic fix for you, they are a few options you can try if you're looking for some guidance in awkward or uncomfortable situations. Adding these small tips into your preparation can be an easy way to mentally prepare yourself, or even take just a bit of pressure off as you're gearing up for a big moment. Anticipating all of your triggers or pressure points would be impossible, but small changes can offer support for your own comfortability as you go. However you prepare and move forward seeking small comforts, remember your grief is not forgotten.
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