Should-dos

We live in a world filled with expectations, things we might call "should-dos".

We should write a thank you note after a big gesture or gift is given.

We should walk 10,000 steps a day.

We should go to an event because everyone will be there and expect to see us.

We should make dinner instead of ordering take out.

We should decorate to feel more festive for others, even if it just adds pressure to a to do list.

You get it, we're surrounded by should-dos left and right. Not all of them are bad, often they are placed on us by ourselves, to keep us healthy or safe. But are all of them good, helpful, or necessary? Probably not.

In some cases, following all the should-dos can be harmful to us, emotionally, mentally, or otherwise. You may be putting them on yourself without even realizing.

Am I noticing negative self-talk (guilt, “should-do’s”, comparing to “normal” holidays)?

Within grief, it's easy to get caught up in what we should do, what we "used to do" before grief became a part of us. This year may be tweaked or shaped by grief, and that's okay. Give yourself the grace and the space to change to what feels right and comfortable to you this year. That might mean spending a shorter amount of time at events, driving separately to be able to leave when you need to, or adjusting to do less activities to recuperate from the stress and added energy levels.

Evaluate your should-dos list today, and see what might be adjusted this year to bring solace and comfort to a challenging season.

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