The dishes need to be washed. The clothes in the drier need to be folded. The garbage needs to be taken out. The car needs washed. The groceries need to be bought. The dinner needs to be made. The carpets need to be vacuumed. The sheets need to be changed. The bills need to be paid. The appointments need to be scheduled. The closet needs to be decluttered. A whirlwind of household or lifestyle needs, but have you considered your needs?
Our needs in grief can look different from person to person, or day to day. Maybe for you, what you need today will be vastly different than what you need tomorrow, or even in a few hours. Maybe it's a minute to be silent. A nutritious meal. A warm bath or shower. A cold glass of water. A nap. Pausing to play with your kids or grandkids. An intentional deep breath.
The weight of grief mixed with the weight of every day responsibilities can feel like it's crushing. Perhaps it feels like you're drowning in to do lists and unmet needs, like if you don't do that one crucial task, everyone around you will crumble with you. Maybe you feel like you're on the edge of a meltdown - one wrong look or comment might set you over the edge. These can be signs that it's time to pause during your grief.
Pause. Take a breath. Take a step back, and sit. Sit, even if just for a few moments. Account for which tasks can go another moment, hour, or day without being done.
Maybe the dishes can go in the dishwasher or wait for a night. The clothes in the drier can be folded later. Perhaps the elaborate home cooked meal turns into a frozen pizza dinner instead, or the groceries get delivered this week instead of going to the store yourself. Though these are all things you'd like to get done, sometimes prioritizing your own rest and moments to recharge outweigh the importance of a folded load of laundry.
These breaks can be small - even just a few minutes. The important thing is to truly take a step back from your to do list or whatever set of expectations are overwhelming at the moment, and take time for yourself to recenter. Finding a space that you feel comfortable in can make this easier. Going for a walk around the block, sipping coffee on a cozy chair on the porch, or getting a journal or coloring book to spend a few minutes in can all be ways to break free from the dread of a to do list or the pressure of grief.
Breathe. The laundry can wait. Take the nap. Take the shower. Walk the dog or play with the kids. Pausing during grief can be a crucial step to focusing on what matters. The to do lists will always be there, waiting until you're ready. Take the break, make the memories, and regroup when you're ready. These moments will often not ruin your timeline for your to do list, but can put you in a better headspace to be successful in crossing things off the list. Managing your grief and finding enjoyable moments to fill your heart up can often out weigh the importance of freshly dusted bookshelves.
What is your go-to tool when you need a break?
Taking a nap
Reading a book
Journaling or deep breathing to focus my thoughts/emotions
Something else
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