“I wish there was something I could do for them.”
“If only I could help them, what a tragic loss.”
“I just wish I could be there. I wish I could make it better.”
Have you caught yourself saying something like this? Or maybe someone has said it you while you were grieving.
What if we can help those who are grieving?? What if we could do small little tasks or offer small support that can help them navigate their everyday life while learning the new journey of grief?
Unfortunately, it’s often found that the support dwindles significantly after a funeral/memorial is over, and that’s when life starts getting the hardest. The loneliness settles in, the household chores may start to pile up as they get more and more physically and mentally exhausted, and normal life expectations often continue as normal. This can be a severely overwhelming reality for many as they start their grieving process.
But what can we do for them while they navigate grief?
Thankfully, we have options for ways to support our loved ones, and it's more than just sending a floral arrangement that will die in a few short days.
Whether you live near or far, there are a plethora of options that do not just include sending flowers or windchimes.
If you live near them, there are task oriented options as well as more handsfree options. Stopping over to do a load or two of laundry while they rest, doing yard work that they might not have time or energy to tend to, or small tasks like taking out the garbage and tidying up may be a big help in the beginning stages of grief. These are all things that should be done with permission before beginning. It’s important to allow your loved one in grief to remain autonomous throughout their grief journey. If they are uncomfortable with the help that is being offered or would rather the task be completed by themselves, it is important to respect that boundary and allow them to make that choice.
Other options could include offering to take their children for a treat while they take a much needed nap/catch up on their tasks, offer to run errands or go bring them groceries, or prepare meals for them. Preparing meals that can be cooked or frozen for use at a later date can offer them a sense of independence and give them an easy meal to be saved for a day they feel particularly overwhelmed or exhausted.
But what about our grieving loved ones that live far away?
The good news is that no matter how far away you might live, there are still options for care and compassion. Oftentimes, it’s the moments of human connection and companionship that mean the most. Grief has been found by many to be a very isolating, overwhelming, challenging experience, with waves of loneliness, anxiety, and despair. One of the most accessible ways to help is by lending an ear. Calling to catch up and taking the time to listen, sending a text throughout a busy week, or sending a card for a mailbox pick me up are options that can be completed almost anywhere, at any time.
Gifting a set of Forget Me Not Notes offers a unique spin on sympathy and support. By choosing a weekly or monthly set for the length of time that suits for your loved ones need, you can send scheduled support with just the click of a button. Each week or month (depending on the set you choose) they will receive a card with a quote relating to the feelings of grief and loss, and offering them a space to journal, reflect, and process their grief at their own pace.
Sending gift cards for a restaurant or food delivery in their area can also allow them to have an easy meal prepared for them as a way for nutrition on even the hardest days, when cooking a fresh meal might be too much.
No matter what option or options you choose, there are many options that can support your loved ones for months after the funeral. It’s important to remember that after the funeral, you have a normal life to return to, whereas your loved one in the depths of grief had their whole world tipped upside down with no “normal” to turn towards for solace. Another imperative step to this support process is asking permission, checking to make sure your loved one is comfortable with what you’re offering, and allowing them the autonomy to make the decisions that they feel is best for them. We all grieve differently, no “right” or “wrong” way, and just want everyone to be as comfortable and supported as possible.
Which support option would you try for a loved one who is grieving?
Dropping off prepared meals/sending gift cards for food
Offer to care for pet/help with yardwork or household tasks
Send a set of Forget Me Not Notes
Call them to chat and lend a listening ear
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