Judging Yourself In Grief

"I'm so sick of grief, I just want to feel like myself again"

Personally, that's something I found to be a common mantra for myself in my stages of grief, both early stages, and even recently - years after my loss. The truth is, grief isn’t something you “get over”—it’s something you move through.

And along the way, it’s easy to turn that pain inward and start judging yourself.

Am I grieving the right way? Should I be over this by now? Why can’t I just get it together? Other people lose loved ones and seem to bounce right back into life a few weeks later. Is there something wrong with me that I haven't gone back to life like they have??

The truth is, there’s no timeline, no rulebook, and no “correct” way to grieve. Some days you might feel okay. Other days, it might hit you out of nowhere. That doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong—it means you’re human.

Comparing yourself to others is a thankless task, and can be harmful to your own healing. It's important to remember that just because someone looks like they're doing well, they might just be masking their emotions, avoiding them, or hiding them from others. Allowing this to sway your view of your own grief can be damaging to your own healing.

Judging yourself in grief only adds weight to what you’re already carrying. So let go of the need to be okay, and instead, give yourself permission to just be—messy, sad, angry, numb, or whatever else shows up.

You’re not failing. You’re grieving. And that’s more than okay. You, your loved one, and your grief are not forgotten.