"At least you got to say goodbye."
"You're lucky to be a beneficiary! You won't have to worry about money for a long time!"
"Don't be sad, he's in a better place now!"
"Well she was old anyway, she was going to die eventually. This way you didn't watch her decline for a long time!"
"My dog died last year, I know exactly how you feel. I got over it pretty fast, so you should be fine."
Maybe you've heard a variation of one of these comments during your grieving process. You might have even had to hear them at the funeral or memorial. While these things were probably said without the intention of doing harm, it can still be a very painful thing to hear during a very vulnerable time.
Even though they might not mean to be rude, it can leave you feeling awkward, uncomfortable, and totally misunderstood. Responding to these comments can feel just as awkward. You might try making a joke, changing the topic, or quietly acknowledging the comment and walking away.
The most important takeaway is that however you respond, make sure you protect your own peace. While there is a time for positivity to shape your grief journey and keep you on a path of hope and resilience, there are also times where positivity is not appropriate. Let these comments roll over you quietly, move forward with grace, and focus your energy on your own healing. Use your best judgment with how to proceed: someone who makes one inappropriate comment once might have been uncomfortable or slipped up and said something hurtful out of lack of education. Someone who continually makes these comments may not be a relationship to continue to put stock into. Only you will know what is the right way for you to handle it at the time.
Despite those comments saying you should find peace, or get over it, or be happy that there is no more suffering, remember you're allowed to be sad. You are not on a set timeline to "get over it" or move on without processing. Processing your grief can look different for everyone, and there are many tools to help you find the path that works best for you. Support groups that understand grief and loss, individual therapy, retreats, or a set of Forget Me Not Notes can be great resources to go at your own pace, in a way that is comfortable. Joining a group or working with a trained professional can be a great step to finding a support that will avoid the insensitive comments you might be hearing from family or community members.
Finding the right support system can be difficult, and fending off these insensitive comments to protect your own emotional wellbeing can be challenging. With a little grace and a lot of protection for your own health, you will make it through even the most awkward or insensitive encounters. Your grief is not forgotten here.
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