Getting a Christmas tree, but they aren't there with you.
Watching a football game, but they aren't there cheering on their favorite team.
Filling the stockings, but there's one less hanging on the mantel this year.
Hiding a pickle on the tree, but they aren't there to search for it.
Going to the parade or tree lighting ceremony, but they aren't standing in the crowd with you.
Getting matching pajamas, but there's one less set this year.
Lighting the candles, but one less loved one gathered around them.
Decorating for the holidays, but they aren't there to put up their collection of decor.
Maybe you're missing your person in another sense. For some, it may be these things. For others, it might be focused on the "lasts."
The last time you both went to see Santa together.
The last time they gave you a gift.
The last time they went ice skating with you.
The last time you went to a holiday market together.
The last time they texted you a holiday gif.
The last Christmas card they mailed you.
The last time they set up their Christmas village display.
At the time, you probably did not realize it be the last. Perhaps you planned to do the same things together this year, as you always have. Chances are, you have a hole in your heart and holiday spirit that nothing seems to fill.
These dates and memories can be painful. They can leave you feeling empty, numb, maybe even guilty, or angry. Hold space for yourself and your feelings. These moments will pass, but not without leaving a mark on your day. Let the feelings pass through you. Let them wash over you. Breathe through this, deeply in through your nose, and out through your mouth. Your feelings are valid. Hold the space for them, and let them go.
Getting through these moments can be challenging. Having a plan for when these moments hit can help guide you through them. Calling a friend who understands, having a few photos to look back on fondly, or journaling for a few quiet moments can help process those feelings.
Whatever loss your facing this year, honoring anniversaries or past traditions can allow a remembrance for your relationship with your loved one. Holding space for these moments, and creating a plan to work through them, can be a great step towards healing this holiday season. Whatever you're feeling, and however you work through them, your feelings are valid, and your grief is not forgotten.
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