Hello, My Name Is Grief

"I sat with my anger long enough until she told me her real name was grief" ~ C.S. Lewis

Perhaps it’s deceptively simple. At first glance, the quote speaks of patience—sitting with an emotion rather than fleeing from it. Sitting in our anger, rather than having outbursts, or punching walls, running away when faced with a feeling. But sit with it long enough - feel the feelings, acknowledging them, and saving room for them - and something powerful happens: clarity. Beneath the surface of anger, rage, or resentment often lies something quieter, more painful, and profoundly human—grief.

Grief doesn’t always arrive cloaked in sorrow. Sometimes, it storms in as frustration, blame, or even numbness. We lash out, withdraw, or simmer with an anger we can’t quite name. We feel a hollowness, may try to fill it with scrolling social media, drinks, or food. But when we allow ourselves the uncomfortable work of feeling—without judgment, without rushing away—we might begin to see what that anger was protecting: heartbreak, loss, longing. These feelings we cannot shove down with any amount of social media posts, drinks, or meals.

Grief is love with nowhere to go. It’s the cost of caring deeply, of losing something that mattered. And sometimes, the only way to heal is to stop trying to silence our anger and instead, listen to what it’s trying to say.

What would grief look like, if it just simply showed up and introduced itself? "Hello, my name is grief."

Perhaps you've found yourself quick to lash out at your kids when they make a simple mistake. Maybe you've found yourself thinking more thoughts of self doubt or hate, used more comparison, and even disgust with how you're taking care of yourself. Maybe you've screamed at a customer service rep simply because they were doing their job. Whatever the circumstance, you might catch yourself thinking "wow, who was that person that just yelled? I would never do that! What has gotten into me??"

Grief. Though we expect it to manifest itself as a deep sadness, maybe a depression, endless crying, and everything from the movies, we must remember anger is a stage of grief. You might be yelling about spilled coffee, but if you take time to check in with yourself, you might find that was just the last straw in your day that pushes your grief over the edge.

So if you’re angry—really, deeply angry—pause. Sit. Listen. Maybe, like the speaker in the quote, you’ll find that what you’re really feeling is grief. And in naming it, begin to heal. Your anger, your loved one, and your grief are not forgotten here.

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