Hearing the News

"We lost him."

"It was too late when they found her."

"We decided to let him go peacefully."

"I couldn't save her, I'm sorry."

No matter what variation of words were spoken to you, texted to you, written to you, seen on the news. discovered on social media, or shared with you, I'm sure you remember some of the details of that day. For me, I remember exactly where I was and what I was doing, how the message was given to me, the news and social media posts that followed, the clothes I was wearing, the words that were used, and the dreadful hours that followed. You might remember the looks of others, the reactions of those around you, the smell of the room, the food you ate that day, and so much more that stays with you.

In the moments of panic and shock that come with the end of a life, often these scenes are not pleasant. For many, these words can be a stark reality of all that is changing or has already changed. Immediate feelings of sadness, disbelief, and guilt might flash through you, all within a matter of seconds.

Often this news is not shared as delicately as we may like to receive it. There may never be a "best way" to share the news, but there are definitely ways that are not preferred. If you received news of a loss in a way that felt insensitive, unthoughtful, or unkind, we are holding space for you. Healing from this event may take longer than you'd like. Options might include therapy or professional help, support groups, processing through writing letters or journaling, or delivering the news to others in the way you would have wanted to hear it. Taking what you cannot control and making it better for someone else can bring a small positive out of something painful.

The reality is, grief and loss will come when and how they come. Sometimes, the situational factors cannot be controlled, and we can only do our best in those moments. Regardless of how you find out you've lost someone important to you, there will be grief, there will be pain, and there will be a sense of loss.

If your loved one's story is in the news, scattered around social media, or spread around town, protect your peace how you need to. This might be taking a break from social media, turning off the news, holding boundaries for conversations if you're uncomfortable, or learning how to shield yourself from insensitive comments.

If you found out your loved one died in a way that feels insensitive to you, I hope you are able to find peace and healing in this. You're not alone as you navigate this challenging journey. Whatever you are feeling today, your grief is not forgotten.

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