Happy Triggers in Grief
Grief is often thought of as a journey of pain, sadness, and distress, with each step marked by sorrow, loss, and sometimes overwhelming symptoms. But what if some moments of happiness or joy can occur, even during this challenging time? These moments could be considered "happy triggers."
Happy triggers are small, often unexpected moments that bring a sense of joy, comfort, or peace amidst the feelings of grief. They can be memories, certain smells, songs, or even a quiet moment of thought or reflection. Though they don’t erase the pain of loss, they offer a gentle reminder that happiness can coexist with sorrow.
It’s not about forgetting the person you’ve lost, but rather finding space to honor them while also reconnecting with the life you’re still living.
For instance, a song that once played during family gatherings may bring a smile rather than tears, reminding you of the happy times you shared. A familiar scent, like a favorite dish, or the smell of their perfume, may bring a sense of comfort, making you feel closer to the one you miss. More happy triggers could include seeing the type of car they drove on the road, hearing a phrase they often said, or having their favorite dessert. These small moments allow for healing, slowly reintroducing light into a life that can feel overshadowed and darkened by grief. At first, they may make you sad, realizing that they are missing something they enjoy, or that you are missing them and their presence. After some time and healing, you might find yourself smiling when you see their favorite flowers blooming on a sunny day, rather than crying and retreating at the reality they are not with you. It's natural to always want them close, but reshaping those small signs and triggers can be a healing experience.
Personally, the first time I noticed this for myself was when I was walking through the grocery store. At the beginning of my grief journey, I would focus very clearly on what I needed to grab, and then get out of the store as fast as I could. My loved one really enjoyed cooking, sharing family time around a meal, and gathering for time together with snacks. Because of this, there were a few foods that I entirely avoided - Bold flavored Chex Mix, chocolate covered peanuts, etc, because it felt easier to skip seeing than risking a meltdown in aisle 6.

Maybe six months into my journey after loss, I found myself in the ice cream aisle of the grocery store, an aisle I typically avoided for the reasons already listed. As I walked down the row in search of my favorite flavor, I stopped on butter pecan ice cream.. His favorite. I expected myself to panic, to cry, to breakdown. But rather, this time, I saw the butter pecan ice cream, smiled as I remembered the summer days accompanied with laughs and ice cream cones, and grabbed the smallest carton the store sold. I took home the small tub of butter pecan ice cream, along with the caramel collision ice cream I chose for myself, and scooped a small scoop of butter pecan and thought of him. What use to be a painful, unhappy trigger soon turned into a happy memory that brought me to feeling closer to him.
The beauty of happy triggers lies in their ability to coexist with the pain. They are gentle reminders that joy and grief are not opposing forces but can still exist together as part of the human experience. Embracing these moments can be a powerful step towards healing.
If you're grieving, be open to the happy triggers around you, however subtle they might be. They’re not a sign that you're moving on too quickly, but a testament to your resilience and capacity to find light, even in the darkest times. As you look for your happy triggers, remember that your grief is not forgotten.
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