"Grief does not change you, it reveals you." ~John Green
When I think of the version of myself before loss, and the version of myself after experiencing loss, I am quickly aware of my values, how my personality has adapted, and how my relationships are formed and upheld.
After trudging through the deepest trenches of loss, I have found myself valuing things differently. Never before a photographer by nature, I am often taking pictures now of loved ones. Before I found my pictures were all staged or posed, smiling in front of an object, with the picture taker counting "3..2..1...Say Cheese!" Now, post grief and after making a number of picture boards for a funeral, I am finding myself snapping pictures much more in the moment. The smiles are natural, rather than forced, the memories capturing a real, raw moment, rather than posed in front of a tree or sign. My values of memories and living in the moment were revealed through experiencing loss.
While swimming through the deepest waters of loss, I have found myself checking in on friends more often, as I have learned the importance of support. I have found myself asking others "How are you?" and actually wanting to hear the answer, rather than just a phrase tossed out in passing, with disregard for the answer.
Through the valleys of loss, I have found myself practicing self compassion and gentleness, something that was not always at the forefront of my mind. Realizing that I have to show up for myself has guided the way I accept love and connection with others. Loss and grief have shown me who I am at my deepest sense of self.
Grief and loss does not define you, it does not change your whole person, but it can reveal to you who you are and what matters most to you. Finding what you value can be shown to you when you're missing what you love most.
As you navigate your way through your grief, consider how it impacts you.
How have your interactions changed based on your grief journey?
Have your relationships or routines changed?
Do you notice different values after your loss?
However your grief shapes outlook, your grief is not forgotten.
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