Connecting in Grief

Connecting with your loved one after they've died can be a daunting thought, or something that feels unachievable. Sending them a text, knowing it won't be read or answered, dialing their number, even though they won't answer with their typical greeting on the other end, or visiting your favorite spot without them by your side can feel so empty and lonely.

Doing their favorite things or normal activities you did together can be a nice way to honor them, but can also leave you with an aching hole as you long for them to be with you.

How do we connect with loved ones after they've died?

Connecting in grief might look different for each person, in each season of life.

For some, it might be sleeping in his big t shirt, soaking in the smell of him on the fabric.

For others, it might be talking to them about your day each night.

It might be watching their favorite sport, rooting for their team, even if you don't love the sport.

It might be visiting their favorite restaurant or spot in the city.

It might be writing them letters about all the things you wish you could share with them over coffee.

It could be dedicating or creating a memorial for them and spending time at it when you're struggling to feel them close to you.

Maybe you take a trip to a place they dreamed of and experience what they cherished.

You might fall into a pattern in the beginning of your grief journey, and transition into something else months later. Just as our relationships grow and change, our connections to our loved ones that have passed can also change and adapt.

Dialing their number with no answer or send a text with no response is a truly heartbreaking moment. Often we send those texts without even thinking about the reality that they cannot response. It can be a huge trigger as you remember all that you've lost in your grief. Hold space for yourself as you feel these feelings. If it brings you peace, send the text anyway. If it brings you peace, call their number, knowing they won't answer, just to hear their voicemail recording message, if their phone is still in service. There are no right or wrong ways to cope, you will know what feels best to you.

However you transition the relationship and continue to find connection with your loved one, you're not alone. Take it moment by moment, as you find the strength and energy. These are brave steps and moments to navigate through. Your grief is not forgotten here.

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