Anticipating Grief

Whether you've just received the news that your loved one is sick, or you're six months into a diagnosis, or you're months post loss reflecting on the anticipation you felt, there is a lot of unknowns in anticipating grief.

When receiving the heartbreaking news of a diagnosis, it's common to be filled with a ton of mixed emotions. The anger, sadness, disbelief, hope, and questioning can all swirl around, colliding in your mind as you try to make sense of the new reality that you and your loved one face together.

In many cases, without the reality of a miracle or an unexpected recovery, the impending grief feels inevitable. There is a fine line to balance between making the most of the time you have left together, and preparing your heart and mind for the reality that is coming near. Despite the hope or faith that you hold onto, the thought of how the end might come can haunt the time you have left together. Especially for people that are naturally fixers, healers, and helpers, this time can feel helpless. No matter what task or chore you help with, no matter what appointments you attend, no matter what words you say, chances are you will still be facing the same reality: that sinking feeling of loss is staring back at you.

In these moments, it's important to let life feel as natural as possible. Stressing about doing or saying the right things, fitting in more activities than they are feeling up to for the sake of making memories, and putting pressure on yourself to "fix" it can all amount to an incredibly stressful time as you continue with them.

Taking this time to ask questions, listen to their life story, create a scrapbook or journal together to create stories to reread later on, and take pictures of meaningful experiences and candid moments. As you prepare for the next chapter on this journey, there are local and online resources that can aid in this process. Creating ways to cope together, being open and honest, and understanding of each others needs in this time is incredibly important.

Creating a tangible memories together, such as creating a stuffed animal together, crafting a new recipe together, or making a scrapbook of past memories together can allow you something to hold onto and reflect on as your grief journey progresses. Specific things like a stuffed animal or a book with recording feature may allow you to record their voice or heartbeat to always have that audible piece of them with you. Getting matching tattoos if they are able could also be a great memory and symbol of your relationship to cherish for years to come.

Continuing through your regular routine may be helpful as you navigate this change, so you have something you are familiar and comfortable with as you move forward. Additionally, seeking professional help to guide you through this major life change can be a great place to find solace and comfort in an uncomfortable, anxiety ridden time.

While it's important to show up for you loved one during this time, it's also important to take care of yourself. Aiming for proper sleep habits, continuing to feed your body with nutrition and plenty of water, and have healthy boundaries with others during this time will be beneficial to your mental and emotional health during this time.

Another important aspect of this process is to respect their wishes. As much as you might believe they should try a specific treatment, celebrate certain moments, visit particular places, or take different breaks, it is imperative to listen to their needs, wants, and desires. Ultimately, they are still autonomous and this should be respected, despite your feelings on certain matters.

As you navigate this journey and manage anticipating grief, lean into your loved ones, create the memories that you are able, and hold space for them. As you prepare for your grief journey, remember they are fighting through a grief journey of their own. Give them grace as they may begin to have more challenges and worries, and offer support as you are able. In your darkest times of worry and hardest days of loss, your grief is not forgotten here.

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