What About Their Things?

The hat they always wore that hangs on the hook.

The coffee cup that sits on the counter that they will never fill again.

The car that sits in the garage waiting for them to drive off on another adventure.

Their closet full of clothing untouched since the last time they got dressed.

The deck of cards they shuffled so many times playing games with friends.

The old lamp by their favorite chair, waiting to be turned on after dinner.

The shelf full of books they'll never get to read.

The random tools or scraps to their hobbies that were left unfinished.

The list of things tied to your loved one can be overwhelming. Just looking around the room for a quick glance can bring a dozen different reminders and memories of who you've lost, and what is missing.

You might find yourself asking, "What about their things?"

For some, seeing these items might bring comfort. A slew of their favorite things all right in their place may bring a sense of normalcy in a world that has left you shaken. For others, seeing these things might be a constant, painful reminder of all that was left behind. Looking around a room and seeing the items that were once essential to someone's daily routine

You might find solace in wearing one of their sweatshirts, reminded by their smell and comforted by something that was once their comfort. You might find more comfort in packing those things into boxes and taking a pause on the tangible reminders.

These items might give you pause, as you aren't sure you're ready to get rid of their things yet, but also can't bear to see them everyday. It might be helpful to pack these things into bins and tuck them into a safe space for processing later. This might be weeks, months, or even years later. Whenever you're ready to walk down that memory lane, the items will be there waiting for you. If you're unsure how to proceed, going through this process with someone else who you can share the memories with could be beneficial to moving forward.

For me, this was an afternoon spent with my family, holding up different items and reminiscing on the moments and memories tied to each article of clothing, tool for each hobby, and the rest of the items in front of us. Laughs were shared, tears were shed, and new ideas were born with how to repurpose clothing. T-shirt blankets or weighted teddy bears can be a great way to preserve memories and create a new keepsake to honor the life that was lived and loved.

If you are unable to keep their things due to size or space, consider holding onto a few smaller pieces that will allow you to keep their memory alive, while having room for your own life as well. This could be something as small as a pair of their sunglasses, a keychain from their keys, a blanket from their bed, or a something functional you can continue using.

Wherever you are in this process, take it slowly, lean in to the experience as you are able and have energy for, and take it moment by moment. If it becomes too much, take a break, remove yourself for a moment, and try again when you're ready. There is no timeline that is "right or wrong", you'll know what feels right to you. Your grief is not forgotten here.

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