Often in grief, we spend a lot of time hoping for a sign from our loved one. Waiting for the night where we dream of our loved one, to spend any bit of time with them. Searching for their face in a crowded room, even though we know we won't see it. We might even find ourselves desperate as we wait for a sign, or hope for reminders of them.
In other cases, we might find reminders that we are unsure of, that present as triggers for us. These triggers could be the hat rack, left abandoned, waiting for their hat to return. Maybe it's a recipe card stand, waiting for them to pick the next recipe to make for dinner. Perhaps it's their car keys, waiting for the next trip to the gas station for their favorite snack. Or, in your case, maybe it's something else. These things that could be so simple, once such a big part of a routine, are sometimes a huge trigger.
Finding the right balance for these objects or parts of an old routine is key to finding peace and stability with these triggers. This might look different from person to person, and vary based on the situation. Ensuring that changes you make are temporary or reversible may help give you peace of mind. Placing a flower vase in the spot the coffee maker was used daily, replacing the hat rack with a family portrait, or adding a houseplant to the side table their water glass once rested on can all be healthy fixes, changed back. Keeping the items that you move or replace and tucking them away into a closet might be helpful in the event that you change your mind and want to change it back, or find a new use for honoring them can be a great way to encourage healing.
In making these changes, you might find that you notice these triggers less. Eliminating triggers can also give more time for healing and new additions to your path.
Adding in new things to your routine, like deep breathing, a gratitude journal, writing notes to your loved one, or spending a few minutes looking at pictures of them can be helpful substitutes to the triggers that you eliminated.
Changing up this environment in small ways can eliminate or diminish triggers a bit, aiding in your healing. If you try this and it feels worse, change it back the way it was. Adding different elements to your routine, like having coffee in their favorite mug instead of taking the coffee pot out entirely can be a great middle ground. No matter what you choose, there isn't a wrong answer as you try to find the path that works best for you. Remember, as you continue on your journey, your grief and your loved one are not forgotten.
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