Does It Ever Get Better?

"Will it get any easier?"

"Does it ever get better?"

"Some days I feel like I might be making progress, and the next day I totally fall apart. Will I ever make it out of this loop?"

"How can it ever get better, they're never coming back."

Chances are, if you're in the depths of grief, these might be thoughts you've had, or things you've said. Being that grief is a very personal experience with no clear timeline, the answer to the questions may vary. It's likely that you've heard people say, "Time heals all wounds, this will get better with time," or, "Take it day by day, each day will be easier than the last." But is any of that even true? Are these just cliches that sound good when we feel awkward and don't know what else to say? Does grief every really get better, or do we learn to live with the pain? Is there hope for a brighter future, even during or after our darkest days of grief?

The Nature of Grief

Grief is often a complex, emotional response to loss, and it can come out in many ways. It’s not just about endless crying and sadness like the movies — it can also include feelings of anger, guilt, confusion, or even relief, depending on the situation and experience. It’s different for everyone and can change depending on the nature of the loss. Some may notice an intense wave of sorrow that slowly lessens or decreases, while others might find grief lingering in the background for extended, or feel the magnitude of it delayed years after the initial loss.

One of the reasons grief is so hard to navigate or expect is that it doesn't follow a neat and predictable path. The common idea of the "five stages of grief" (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance) is often too simplistic, or black and white. These stages aren’t linear; they can come and go in cycles, and not everyone experiences them in the same order, or at all. You may bounce between them, experiencing them in all different circumstances. Grief is unique to you, and may follow whatever pattern or route that happens naturally for you.

The Healing Process - Does It Ever Get Better?

While the pain of loss may never fully disappear, many people find that with time, they are able to adjust to life without their loved one. It’s not that the grief fades completely, but rather that we learn to live with it in a healthier, more manageable way. This is a gradual thing, and may take months or years to notice. Over time, the sharp pain of loss often softens into a quieter, more manageable sorrow. We may carry the memory of our loved one with us in a way that doesn’t overwhelm us in every moment, and we can continue to experience joy in life, even alongside the grief.

Healing from grief doesn’t mean forgetting or "moving on" as if the loss never happened. Instead, it’s about integrating that loss into your life and finding new ways to cope with it. Celebrating their birthday, creating new traditions, finding new ways or places to honor their life, and more can be ways to consider. People might find that they’re able to look back on memories with love instead of pain, or they may begin to honor the person they lost through actions, such as continuing a legacy or finding new ways to feel connected.

The Role of Time

Time doesn’t necessarily "heal all wounds" as they say, but it does allow us to gain perspective. With time, the intensity of grief tends to lessen. This doesn’t mean we forget, but rather that we gain the strength and wisdom to cope with the emotions that accompany loss. This may take a lot of work - in personal therapy, support groups, or maybe in a faith setting. The memory of the loss may always remain, but it often becomes more of a part of us, woven into the fabric of who we are, rather than something that dominates our daily existence.

Some people find comfort in routines, new relationships, or pursuing activities they once enjoyed. These things help to fill the space left by grief, without erasing it. It’s important to recognize that healing is not about "getting over it," but about learning to live alongside the grief in a way that doesn’t inhibit living a fulfilling life. There might be things you choose to embrace after loss that you are thankful for, like gratitude journaling, new support systems, or new traditions.

Grief and Self-Compassion

It’s crucial to be kind to yourself during the grieving process. There’s no "right" way to grieve, and it’s okay to have moments of sadness, anger, or confusion. People often put pressure on themselves to "move on" or "get better," but grief doesn’t operate on anyone else’s timetable. It’s important to give yourself permission to feel the pain and to know that it’s okay to seek help when you need it. Therapy, support groups, or confiding in friends and family can be crucial resources in helping you navigate your grief.

Conclusion

So, does grief ever get better? In many ways, yes. Over time, the sharpness of the pain may become more dull, and the heaviness of loss may become more bearable. But that doesn’t mean the grief is gone. It simply evolves. It becomes a part of who we are, and in doing so, it allows us to live with it and even find meaning in it. Grief might never fully disappear, but with time, compassion, and support, we can learn how to live with it — and that can be a form of healing in itself. You may even come to appreciate the new traditions, friendships and relationships, and reflection opportunities it may bring. However you proceed, your grief is not forgotten.